What goes up, must come down. Spinning wheel turning ’round.

images-5I started my first blog in 2007 with the encouragement of a good friend who was blogging at that time. My boys were roughly a few months old, and a year and a half old so blogging gave me a great outlet to keep my friends and family up to date.  In addition, I had moved a number of times in the most recent years and had made some new friends who lived in various states.  That being said, blogging gave me an easy way to communicate with a lot of people at once; most importantly my mother.

In addition to keeping family and friends up to date, my blog met a lot of other needs that I had.  I could write, cathart, meet new people, engage in community, learn about myself and others, and support them.

I used my blog to talk about my family, friends, travel, recipes…you name it.  Sometimes I was boring and my posts were very “mommy” like, other times I pushed the envelope and talked about things that may have made some blush.  It was my blog, I and could write want I wanted to.

Between 2007 and 2009 I blogged.  A lot.  I joined local blogger groups in my town.  I was even nominated for blogging awards.

Then things changed.

My marriage changed.  My job changed.  My life changed.

I wasn’t sure if my blog, at that time, was a good illustration of who I was.  On top of that, I felt watched, judged, and even censored.  Most specifically during the 6-month period of a divorce, job change, and the death of my mother.  During this time my posts became more sporadic, and when I did post it would not surprise me if I got a phone call from a telling me to take the post down for one reason or another.

So I stopped.

I didn’t feel safe in the one place that I had felt the safest.  My blog had connected me with so many great people across the country.  People I had never met in person.  These “virtual friends” were more supportive, encouraging and non-judgmental than people I had called friends and family for years.

My blog was a place where I could open the Kimono and expose myself.  It had turned into a place for people to obtain information and ammunition.

So I stopped.

The last 4 years have been a time of reflection and growth.  I have seen valleys, and I have seen mountaintops.  During this time I have to constantly remind myself that I am safe.   On top of that, and maybe most importantly, what others think of me is not my business and does not define who I really am.

So I stopped.

I stopped caring what others think.  I stopped worrying about what people might do with the info on my blog. I stopped allowing others to have control over me.

So, I started blogging again.

One thought on “What goes up, must come down. Spinning wheel turning ’round.

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